A Letter from September 5, 2012

So about two years ago, I discovered this website, FutureMe.org, where you can write a letter to yourself and pick the date to have it delivered to your e-mail. The last two years, I've written letters to myself and had them sent on my birthday. I was pleasantly surprised when I got the letter I wrote to myself last year on my birthday in my e-mail today, because I completely had forgotten that I had written it.

It's funny how in a year, so much can change, but remain the same. I just want to put it out there (as I've said time and time again) how blessed I feel to live the life I live and to have the family and friends that are always there for me. I am so, so thankful for everything I have, especially when I'm constantly reminded how lucky I am when I see homeless people living on the street and hear about the murders that happen on a daily basis in this city. My heart pains for the awful things that happen in the world and I hope someday, I can make a difference in some way. 

Thank you to my dearest family and friends for the wonderful birthday wishes today. I can't tell you how much I truly appreciate it all!

Without further ado....

Dear FutureMe,

Wow, I cannot believe another year has already passed. You are officially 25 - time for that quarter life crisis. I wonder how much you are freaking out!

As I sit here on my 24th birthday, I really can't complain about how my life has turned out thus far. I've officially moved out of the parents' house and am living on my own with Morgan, who's been such a great roommate. We've sure had our fair share of experiences already in Chicago. It wasn't easy moving out and saying good-bye to Mom and Dad, but I've learned to really live on my own the past few months and be completely independent and responsible. It's actually fairly refreshing. Nevertheless, their relationship with me is one I cherish most. I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for them and I wouldn't be the woman I am today without them. Never forget that. They raised me into the person I am and for that, I'll always be grateful for them always being by my side and supporting me.

Kerri and I have gotten closer over the year with her now living in Chicago, and I hope that relationship still remains dear and near to your heart.

My job is pretty meh at this point, but am casually looking around to see what else is out there. I know I'm deemed for more. I have yet to travel the world and help people, which really is my dream. I hope this letter finds you well and you have started to follow this dream of yours.

This is the first birthday without Grandma. With her passing away 2 weeks ago, things have been rough. It's hard to swallow that she's really gone, but I know deep down she is happier where she is. May she RIP always, as I know she will be with me along the paths I take in this life, along with my other grandparents that have passed away.

This past year, I've really learned who my real and true friends are (Brittany, Tarah, Kaitlin, Lindsey, Sarah, Morgan, Elle, Niki, Lauren, Meg, Camille, Mike Bauer, Matt Arce, etc.). It's been hard realizing that some friendships truly just do fall apart. I've learned to keep those friends that keep me close to them, close to my heart. I really do feel blessed for the friendships that I have.

And lastly, my amazing, caring, loving, boyfriend Adam. How we found each other and developed our beautiful relationship is really beyond me but I thank my lucky stars every day for bringing him to me. He has been everything I've wanted in a man and more. He has made me the happiest I have ever been with someone and I'm praying, PRAYING, you are both still together and loving life together. You've deserved the best and I really think you've found it. He's The One. I love him SO much.

This year has been a series of highs and lows - new relationship, new friendships, new living situation, deaths, awful days at work, etc. However, no matter how tough things have got, you have remained composed and strong. You've tackled every obstacle that's come your way and I hope that's still the same on your 25th birthday. Keep your head high always and keep a smile on your face.

I really hope this letter finds you well and that you are just as happy as you are on your 24th birthday. Life is great. xoxo

Things I've Learned in My 20's.

I've become a huge fan of Thought Catalog and I came across one of my favorite articles yet the other day - something to the effect of Things You Learn in Your 20s.  As I read each of the bullets, I realized, shit, this is a lot of stuff I've learned so far in my life. I've taken my view on each of the extremely accurate points below:

·         Telling your parents that you are just not going to agree with them about certain things (especially regarding your lifestyle choices), and that you are ready to deal with the consequences that might bring in your relationship with them.

o   It took many years to convince my parents that I was capable of making my own choices, and at that, if I was wrong in those choices, that I would face the consequences. My parents were especially leery on the idea of me quitting my first job out of school and moving to another that had a few unknowns in their eyes. After much convincing that the move was a good one on my part, I made the decision and couldn’t be happier. Sometimes, I have an intuition about things that my parents just don’t always understand. However, there have been times where I have made decisions I later would have done differently – but those decisions turned into learning experiences. It’s just a part of growing up.

·         Removing friends from your life that you grew up with who are simply no longer good for you, even if you have known them so long as to consider them just a part of your life — something you assume will always be there.

o   I’ve unfortunately encountered this – numerous times at that – which is never enjoyable.  Part of growing up is just realizing that people do change, for the good and for the bad.  And it’s one of those decisions you just have to make whether or not you want to keep them in your life. 

·         Explaining to someone who is looking to date you seriously that you are just not in a phase of your life where you can offer that to them, and that your own development is more important than being in a relationship right now.

o   Sometimes, we just need to put ourselves first.  Being in a relationship is a compromise – you sometimes do need to make little sacrifices to keep each other happy. And I think it’s okay to be selfish every now and then and take time for yourself, even if that means passing someone by.  If it’s meant to be, it will be.  Never sacrifice your goals or dreams for someone else.

·         Moving somewhere where there is more opportunity for your professionally, but where you are an absolute stranger and have no comfort zone.

o   My current job was one where I knew I’d have more opportunities in my profession to meet more people, make my mark in the company, gain recognition, and have a more healthy life/work balance.  However, being in ad sales is a lot different than being on the agency side.  It was a bit scary moving to the “dark side,” but I’ve been very happy in my decision.  I truly believe it’s good to be a little scared and out of that ‘comfort zone’ to push yourself that much farther.

·         Accepting that you cannot party in the way you used to, and that you are going to have to start turning down some nights which people will tease you about because your sleep has become your most precious commodity.

o   I think my friends are all slowly starting to realize we cannot drink or stay out late like we used to in our college days (still cannot believe it’s been 2 years since we graduated…).  It’s true that sleep has become more precious, especially from the long days we put in at our workplace every week.  It’s happened many a times that I’ve turned down going out so I can rather watch a movie and go to bed early.  I used to get ridiculed more so a few years ago but my friends have caught up with me and now it’s just a mutual understanding.

·         Realizing that some friends are going to end up with people that you know, in your heart, are not a right decision for them — and that this is just a mistake they are going to have to make on their own.

o   A few of my friends are dating or have ended up with people I didn’t necessarily agree was a good fit for them. But it’s one of those things where you may voice your opinion, and let them make their own decisions. As hard as it is to sit back and let them go about their love life that you know may not be good for them, it’s something you need to let them do and learn on their own.

·         Understanding that sometimes, when people tell you that they are too busy to see you, they really mean it. Their lives are simply changing in a way that may mean you will not be able to be as close or see each other as frequently as was once the case.

o   Unfortunately, this is unbelievably true.  I feel like I always have something going on, whether it’s work-related, taking care of myself and exercising, social events, or simply just having that ‘me’ time. I’ve noticed the past few years that it has become increasingly harder and harder to make plans with friends.  I find myself planning weeks in advance with friends just to put something on the calendar so I make time with them.  But I think that’s what it’s all about.  As long as you find and make the time to see those special friends of yours, that’s what truly counts.  That’s what true friendship really is.

·         Watching friends you love move away, and knowing that they will likely never come back.

o   This has always been tough.  This really started in high school when a few of my friends moved and I knew right then and there, I’d probably never see them again.  We’d try to keep in touch but eventually, we’d get immersed into our daily lives and lose track of each other.  College came and I found myself sadly saying good-bye to some of my best friends as they went across the country to follow their dreams.  And after college, I had many friends move to other states to be with their significant others, to a new job, to a new opportunity.  It’s never easy, but I’ve realized that’s a part of life.  What matters most is if those are your true best friends, you do everything in your power to stay in contact with them.  Two of my best friends live in CO and I make a conscious effort to talk to them when I can.

·         Realizing that some people are making the transition from “crazy kid who parties a little too much” to “person who has a serious problem with drinking/drug use,” and that there may be nothing you can do to help them.

o   I had a friend dealing with a drug abuse problem in high school and it was so hard to watch him do what he did to his body.  I remember visiting him in the hospital on my 16th birthday and thinking, I can’t imagine how he’s feeling.  I felt helpless though.  I tried everything to be there for him, but he eventually just pushed me away.  I tried for months to save that friendship, but ultimately, I left that friendship in the past.

·         Realizing that you are what you once considered “a grown-up age,” and that you do not feel “grown-up” in the least.

o   I am officially a “grown-up.” Someone living on her own, paying her own bills.  Yet, I do not 100% feel grown-up.  Yes, I’m turning 25 this year, but yet, somehow, I still feel like my 16 year-old self, just more mature and wiser.  My mom has been telling me for years how she feels trapped in her body, but still feels like she’s in her 20s.  Is that how I’m gonna feel when I’m her age?  Will we ever FEEL old?

·         Living with debt.

o    Ah, debt.  When I made my venture to the University of Illinois, my parents warned me of the debt I would incur over the years.  I shrugged it off, waved my hand, and figured, ‘eh, I’ll deal with that later.’  Well, later is NOW.  I won’t go into details into how much debt I actually have, but it’s a generous amount. Each month I pay off my student loans, I wonder, is this number ever going to go down?  I feel like it doesn’t budge.  While I’m lucky to be paid well at my current job and still save money,  it’s still a huge nuisance to pay off my loans each month and to know the amount of debt I’m in.  I try not to think about it because when I do, I feel extremely stressed I’ll never pay it off  (even though I know I will someday…).

·         Accepting that, sometimes, your parents really were right about things.

o   My parents always loved gloating when they were right about things, hence why I never gave them the satisfaction of knowing they were right about things in my life.  My parents had warned me my freshman year of college not to go to AZ on a 3-day vacation to visit someone, but I didn’t listen and went anyway.  I had a good time, but things happened on that trip that I had not expected and brought me back into a flood of memories of pain and heartbreak. I knew my parents had been right.  But like I said before, sometimes you just need to make decisions for yourself and figure it all out on your own.  It’s just a huge part of growing into the person you’re going to become. (Side note: I later told my parents they had been right).

·         Leaving the sense of competition you have with your siblings and appreciating that you can all succeed on different terms and still be completely independent people.

o    I think my younger sister, Kerri, feels that she’s competing with the shadow I’ve left behind.  I never want her to feel that way and have always tried to be there for her, encouraging her in her choices, career path, but being that conscious she needs to leer her in the right direction.  It’s inevitable that parents are going to compare their children here and there, but I do know that my parents have finally realized that although my sister and I are very alike, we’re also very different.  We have different interests, career paths, and we handle and choose things differently for ourselves -  but that’s what makes us unique.

·         Falling for someone who is never going to be a good decision for you, but who you cannot help yourself in loving.

o   I fell for someone years ago that I couldn’t help my feelings.  At the time, I thought it was the best part of my life happening. Looking back on it, I realize that we really weren’t right for each other. However, I learned so much from that relationship that I have taken with me through the years and I’ll always look back on those times fondly.

·         Looking back on decisions you’ve made over the years and feeling like there were clear forks in the road where you took the wrong direction, but which you can never really loop back around to find again. Living with the person you have decided to become, even if that means having to start from square one at 25 years old.

o   Your 20s are a time to make mistakes, learn from them, make more mistakes, and learn even more from those to make the right decisions.  I’ll be 25 in September and as I reflect on my life and everything that’s happened in it, I can’t help but smile. Yes, I’ve made mistakes here and there – I’m not perfect by any means – but I’ve acquired so much.  I’ve learned so much academically, socially, personally that has made me into the person I am today. Sometimes I really sit back and look at what I’m doing in my life and wonder if I’m 100% happy.  Will I ever have to start back at square one in my career?  My relationship?  Obviously I can’t predict the future, so who knows.  But one thing is for sure: I’ve made it this far and in present-time, I’m content with my life and the choices I’ve made. 

Significant Choices.

It's remarkable how we don't realize how significant a choice can be until maybe weeks, months, even years later after it is made. As I make my way back to Champaign for my second Homecoming as an alum, I look back on the last 5-6 years of my life. 

I remember as a senior in high school, I ultimately had to convince my parents to let me go away to school. Had that never happened, who knows where I'd exactly be today. Once that convincing was settled (which took literally months), I had to make the big decision of where to spend my four years of college. I was sold on Nebraska, as I got a 4-year scholarship. When my parents shot it down because it was "too far," I knew something better and bigger was on my horizon. Once I was accepted at the University of Illinois in December 2006, I knew it was inevitable that I would be attending. 

Little did I know how much of a life-changing experience that it would be. What an impact U of I has left on my memories, my heart, and my life. 

It led me to my career path of advertising, something I take great pride and joy in. I am fortunate for the type of experiences I got at U of I to lead me to wonderful internships, leadership positions, and ultimately, a job at the biggest media agency in the world. I feel extremely blessed. 

Not only did U of I give me the quality education needed to enter the real world, it led me to a number of my best friends that I still consider to still be the biggest part of my life. Had it not been for my first choice to live in the 6 pack,  the last minute decisions to join classes, or to join specific clubs, or to apply for certain jobs, I would have never met some of the most special people I hold dear to my heart. It's amazing just how simple decisions like that can determine who you meet, and who you deem to be the people you want to hold close. 

And lastly, had I never gone to U of I, I would have never met my amazing friend, Lauren, who ultimately led me to the most perfect guy for me. I cannot thank her enough for introducing Adam to me. Not only do Adam and I share a number of interests, we now share an alma mater, which is something that will connect us for many years to come. 

As I make my way to Champaign today, I reflect on just how much the University of Illinois has offered me and how grateful I am for it all. Cheers to a weekend of fun, craziness, and most of all, remembering and creating memories. 

#Homecoming2012

The Good in Goodbye

Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us every day.

Unseen, unheard, but always near; still loved, still missed and very dear.

- Anonymous

As some of you may or may not know, my grandmother passed away last Wednesday, August 22nd at 4:31pm.  My way of coping with things has always been writing and this time is no different.  As I look back at what happened on Wednesday, I still cannot believe how everything transpired so quickly.

A few weeks ago, my grandma got double pneumonia.  She was hospitalized for about a week.  I was able to come home that weekend and was able to see her.  She looked weaker than I had last seen her and I knew her catching pneumonia definitely wasn't the best thing, especially at her old age of 97.  Unfortunately, the weekend ended and I had to make my way back to Chicago.  I visited my grandma right before I got back on the train.  My last words to her were "I love you" and her the same for me.  I will never forget that.

Last Tuesday night, my mother called me and warned me that the nursing home had called saying my grandma's breathing had become more rapid.  It caught me off guard, but not to the point where I was really worried, especially when I didn't get a call during the night or Wednesday morning from my mom.  I texted my mom once I was at work and asked how my grandma was doing.  She proceeded with a picture of her - the worst I have absolutely seen her.  I knew it was bad then.

My dad called within minutes, his voice cracking, advising me to come home.  I immediately started crying knowing it was only a matter of weeks for my grandma.  I left work and my sister grabbed the 1:35 Metra to Libertyville.  As we rode the train, we both talked about our upcoming weekends.  We really weren't aware how bad it was with my grandma.

My dad picked us up at the train station and drove us to Winchester House, where my grandma had been a resident for nearly 2 years.  We arrived at 3pm.  As I entered the private room the staff had placed my mom in, I saw my grandma with her eyes closed, struggling to breathe.  The sight broke my heart.  Tears began falling down my cheeks.

I despise crying in front of others, letting people see that I'm broken.  I've always tried to remain strong in times of death, heartache, and sadness.  I felt so weak seeing my grandmother, especially as she lay in bed so weak herself and struggling to survive.

My family was in the room with her as she began to take her last breaths of life, mustering the courage to be strong.  Watching my mother cry for her mother was one of the worst moments of my life.  As I closed the door to the room for more privacy, my grandmother took her last breath at 4:31pm.  My family cried together, but knew my grandma was no longer suffering and no longer having to live in a nursing home.  I was so happy for her but so sad she was gone within an hour and a half of me arriving at the nursing home.

I know deep down, my grandma waited for my sister and I to get to the nursing home so we could be with her in her last moments of life.  I feel so blessed my dad called me and urged me to come home.  I feel so blessed my team at work allowed me to leave work.  I feel so blessed I made it in time and got to say my goodbye.

You know how they always say there's never any good in goodbye?  I discovered the exact opposite of that on Wednesday.  As awful and hard it was to watch my grandmother die in my presence, we were able to say our goodbyes.  We were all around her when she died.  If I could put together a perfect death, that would be it.  I will thank God every day for giving us that opportunity.

Knowing she was my last grandparent in my life, it's been hard to swallow she's really gone.  She's the grandparent I was closest to and the grandparent who was able to see a lot more of my life than my other grandparents. She was such a lovely old woman and I will miss her dearly.

RIP 

Josephine Crivello

4.6.15 - 8.22.12

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. 

Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. 

And we are never, ever the same."

I remember reading the above quote in middle school and wondering what the hell it meant. No way did I believe that the friends I had at that time may not be my friends forever. As I've grown older, I've really come to know the meaning of this quote. The realization comes with age.  

My first realization was when I embarked on my journey to high school.  I went from a graduating 8th grade class of 56 to a whopping 1,000 in my class freshman year.  I told all my friends before high school started that we would stay in contact and that nothing would change.  Little did I know that was not the case. I saw them considerably less and after we all made new friends at our corresponding high schools, it got even harder to coordinate our schedules.

Throughout high school, I for the first time in my life learned the true meaning of heart break. But being the naive girl that I was, I thought we could be friends after the break up.  It took years to figure out that there was no way being friends was in the cards for us.  I closed that chapter of my life and said good-bye to a boy who had once been one of my best friends.

Then came college - an even bigger stepping stone in life.  Similarly to 8th grade, I thought I would manage to stay in contact with many of the people I had called friends all four years of high school.  It wasn't too difficult in the beginning; I was able to balance keeping in touch with my friends at other universities, while creating new friendships on my campus.  However, as time went by, it became obvious that maintaining many of my high school friendships was faltering.  I quickly realized within a few months that the ones that cared most about my friendship would meet me halfway.

Now being almost a year out of college, I am a little shocked at how many friends I feel like I've "lost" since graduating.  It's been consistently repeated to me throughout the years that those you meet in college are your friends for life.  Maybe so.  But I feel like whoever started that quote should have had a disclaimer: **Only SOME of those friends will be your friends for life.

I've learned especially over the past year that people just give up.  If you are both not meeting 100%, the friendship is going to sour.  We become preoccupied with our lives - our demanding jobs, our alone time with our significant other, making time for our new friends whether they be co-workers, neighbors, or randoms that you just met at the bar last Friday night.  Coming out of college, I had a list of friends I knew I wanted to speak to on a weekly basis to stay updated with each other's lives.  The system worked well for about 6 months...then I realized it was becoming too demanding on both ends.  It's just a bit of a punch in the stomach to think those friends you thought would be leaving "footprints" just come into your life for a short period of time and quickly go.  But to avoid any bitterness, I know that's life.

Many of my previous friends have only been in a few chapters of my life.  They were there for a period of time, but I still have memories I can look back on with happiness. But then I have those friends that have stuck around and truly left footprints on my heart.  Some of my oldest friends date back to when I was in kindergarten (and even before that) - and that's special.  With life comes a lot of realizations, but this has been one of the largest for me thus far.

With footprints,

Living Your Dreams.

I meant to write this post back in February when my friend Elle and I were discussing the meaning of life and how people go about choosing their own path. It became clear to the both of us that many of us choose to make excuses. Excuses to not take that big step in a relationship. Excuses to not leave that crappy job and search for a new one. Excuses to not change the life path they don't want to live.

I read a great quote the other day: "Why follow your dreams when you can live them?"

Following your dreams means having goals in mind, which I consider to be imperative in order to challenge yourself. However, sometimes we set these goals for ourselves in the hopes that they'll happen on their own, without even realizing how hard we have to work towards them. We constantly make excuses - "I'll run tomorrow," "He doesn't treat me well, but I'm afraid I won't find anyone else," "I don't like my job, but the pay is good," or "Ah well, it's only a small cookie..."

We make excuses because it's the easy way out. We sometimes let the typical day-to-day events overshadow what exactly we REALLY want to do or have. We sometimes just over-think what it is we actually want instead of having the "screw it" attitude and just going for it.

The past few months, I've been continually glancing at my so-called "bucket list." I would say all of the items on my list are easily attainable, if I just GO DO IT. After realizing I wasn't living my dreams, I've realized I'm going to start. I won't be able to live all my dreams at the same time, but I can certainly aim for them one-by-one.

With dreams,

Taking the Plunge.

Why are we so afraid of our feelings and how people may react to them? Why do we resort to other methods (ahem, liquid courage, anyone?) to reveal those true feelings? Why do we incessantly make things more complicated than they have to be? Or is that we keep our feelings to ourselves to avoid making things more complicated than they already are?

I saw a great quote the other day that I want to share with all of you:

Missing somebody? ...Call.
Want to meet up? ...Invite.
Want to be understood? ...Explain.
Have questions? ...Ask.
Don't like something? ...Say it.
Like something? ...State it.
Want something? ...Ask for it.
Love someone? ...Tell it.

This really got me thinking. When we have strong feelings, a think a logical thing to do sometimes is to keep those feelings to ourselves. But what does that really accomplish? I think it's because we have all subjected to our fears of rejection instead of taking a leap of faith. We're afraid of what the other person will say, afraid of the lingering rejection that could possibly come about, afraid of the realness of our emotions. So instead, we make things more complicated for ourselves.

Life is all about taking chances and taking the plunge. I give credit to those that have been able to dive in and explain their deepest feelings. But I think we (myself included) need to own up to those feelings and come clean. Take the chance and jump off that bridge of fear. Know that you may very well sink, but you will know you lived and loved. And maybe, just maybe, you'll keep swimming and make it to land into the arms of your loved one.

There's no point to keep wondering or hoping the moment will come. Do something about it so you don't waste your time - or your life. Take the plunge.

Our Deepest Passions.

When you hear the word passion, what's the first thing you think of?

Many may say love, sexual desire, or maybe just that it is a strong emotion. I wouldn't necessarily disagree with any of those answers, but if someone were to ask me this question, I would without a doubt answer "something you instill in your life and hope to continue doing in the future." I think individuals our age are aware of their day to day passions whether it is running, photography, music - whatever it may be. However, what I think a lot of us are really unsure about is our passion in the workplace. What do we all feel so passionate about that we can enjoy what we do everyday and still make a living of it?

As Millennials, as marketers refer to us, we strive for the unthinkable. We believe we deserve the unimaginable (and rightfully so). We are delaying the typical rites of passage (marriage, children, etc.) to search for our passions in life and ultimately, fulfill those passions. Some of us may have been lucky to find our passion in life. But even for those that have, I believe there's always something else we secretly wish we could be doing.

Speaking to a number of my friends that have graduated college and are currently residing in this thing we call the "Real World" and the complexities that surround it, we all seem to be a little lost in what it is we actually want to do or how we want to reach and accomplish our passions. So what gives? I don't know about any of you, but my parents have drilled into my head to work hard, save money, and prepare for the future. Maybe that's the responsible thing to do. But where's the PASSION in that? We're young. Yes, we have student loans, bills, responsibilities. But I think we all deserve a little passion in our lives.

Do something you've always wanted to do, even if it means being completely irresponsible. Find that job you love, even if it doesn't pay as much as you thought. Travel the world if you get the opportunity and cherish every memory. Help others who are in need, even if you don't have all the free time in the world. And most of all, find your passion. If it does not lie on your planned life path, so what. We need to appreciate our youth and take every opportunity that comes our way as we discover our passions, even if it means disappointing people, having less cash than planned, or working a little harder to get there. Find your passion - for you.

I know I'm on my way there.

With passion,

Double-edged Sword.

I was talking to a vendor at my job the other day when he mentioned to take a look at AT&T's 1993 advertisement "You Will." As soon as we stopped talking, I went back to my desk and completely immersed myself back in my work.

It wasn't until I was on the train that I realized I hadn't looked at the ad yet. I excitedly went to YouTube on my phone and watched as series of events in the advertisement mimicked much of what has happened the (almost) 2 decades.

Take a look: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZb0avfQme8

It's remarkable just how much AT&T predicted back then. I look back at those advertisements and realize how far technology has really come. If we're halfway across the world from our loved ones, we can jump on Skype and see them within seconds. If we're lost, we can simply look up our location on a map on our phones. If a natural disaster happens, we can search for the information ourselves, rather than waiting for the broadcast news to tell us.

All these conveniences make our lives seamlessly easier and integrated. I think it's something we often take for granted. This technology is unheard of in some countries, yet it is at our fingertips every minute of every day. Although I am thankful for this and although I should be since I work in advertising, I often wonder back to the days when this technology wasn't readily available.

Every day I walk through Chicago or sit on public transportation, I judge those around me whose eyes are peeled to their iPhone screens, or whose fingers are latched closely to their iPads. But then I come out of my judgement and realize, shit, I'm one of those people.

I didn't obtain a smart phone until May of this year, and honestly, I was just fine without a smartphone before I got it. However, now that I have my iPhone, I'm not sure I could live without it. It's usually never more than 10 feet away from me. But WHY? Am I afraid I'm going to miss an important text? Am I afraid someone may look through my phone? Do I simply just have separation anxiety? It's sad, really.

There are days I realize how pathetic I'm being and I leave my phone somewhere in the house I know I won't be for awhile. Some days, I just need to re-boot. I often envy those countries that don't have the technology we have. I miss the days when people would get together to catch up instead of doing it through social media. I miss the days when going to the library was considered a pastime. I miss the days when you had to call collect. I miss the days when it wasn't odd to strike up a conversation with a stranger. I miss the days we all knew how to talk to others casually.

Technology has done so much harm to our worlds. It's taken the personal and created the impersonal. It's taken traditional and created digital. It's taken lives and created hunger-driven techies.

But, technology's double-edged sword has done a lot of good. It's brought breaking news to our attention within seconds. It's brought new media platforms that were not readily available a decade ago. It's brought long-lost souls together.

Technology was almost correctly predicted almost 20 years ago. I can only imagine the technology we will have 20 years from now. It's exciting, but also scary. This double-edged sword we call technology is going to continue to slice into our lives, whether it be good or bad. All we can do is sit back and watch it all unfold and decide what path we take.

With sharp edges and convenient slices,

The Adventures of an Interview...

So this is way overdue, but after reading my friend Molly's blog about her interview mishaps, I realized I had to share mine.

Let's rewind to 2 weeks ago. It was Tuesday, May 24. I had a second interview for my current employer. I couldn't decide if I wanted to drive downtown, or take the train as I had previously for my first interview. I decided on the drive, since I was going to a Cubs game later that night with my friend. I decided to park on his street and then take the L into the city, that would drop me off a block from the office. Perfect!

I left 2 1/2 hours early, just to be on the safe side. As many as you may or may not know, I have some of the worst luck of ALL time. When I want things to go my way, they never seem to do so. And of course, I was expecting leaving 2 1/2 hours early was plenty enough time, when I could realistically make it downtown in a half hour without traffic. Well, there was traffic. Not much, but still put me back at least 15 minutes. Great....

The plot thickens. My friend had told me I would have no problem finding free parking on his street. This is a lie. I finally found his new apartment and began looking for spots I could squeeze my '01 Oldsmobile Intrigue in (which, by the way, is my dad's old car). It has a dent on the front right side - not from me, because I've never gotten into an accident, nor gotten a ticket - he got it from hitting a snow bank. And he calls himself a retired police officer.

Anyways, parking was impossible. There were a few maybes, but they happened to be spots in between 2 different cars and I was not about to parallel park on a one-way street with cars driving behind me. Needless to say, I don't think I've even parallel parked correctly since my driving test when I was 16. I kept circling blocks (which all happen to be one way streets - even better!) and finally got out to just pay for parking. Instead of being a normal person and getting out the driver's side, I decided to climb over and get out the passenger side. Little did I know my little black blazer fell out (never saw it) and I realized parking was only for 2 hours. That wouldn't work. By this time, it was 3:15. Yeah, totally wasted an hour and 15 minutes. I got back in my car and drove off.

I FINALLY found a spot I could park into on my friend's street, smack dab in front of his apartment. YES! Now all I had to do was just find the L station. I looked on Google Maps and reached to grab my things. I realized my blazer is nowhere to be found. You have got to be kidding me...

Yep. It had fallen out and I drove away with it helplessly laying on the filthy curb. So, after the success of finding a spot, I reluctantly gave it up and sped heedlessly through town to (hopefully) collect my blazer. What do you know, it's nowhere to be found. I could NOT go into an interview with a sleeveless shirt. I got out of my car (the driver's side this time) and like a crazy person, asked the man in the car in front of me if he's seen my poor blazer. He said yes and pulled it out of his van (which looks similar to those creepy, windowless vans). Um, okay? I wondered what he was going to do with it. Give it to his wife? Donate it? Keep it for himself? Whatever.

I sped, once again, back to the street I had parked on before, praying to God that the spot I had was still there. And it was! THANK GOD. I then began running to the L station. Once I got there, I had to wait 10 minutes for the L to actually show up. It was now 4:05.

Needless to say, I didn't get to the office until 4:40 - 10 minutes late. I thought to myself, I'm done for. Absolutely done for. I left the interview thinking I was going to get a reject letter.

But then the news came the very next day. I got it!

Moral of the story - crappy things may happen to us and delay us, but sometimes, life has a funny way of working itself out. And I'm so glad it did. Guess I need a little bad luck to get some great luck.

On another note, I happened to lose my sunglasses and my ring today.

With craziness and luck,