I've become a huge fan of Thought Catalog and I came across one of my favorite articles yet the other day - something to the effect of Things You Learn in Your 20s. As I read each of the bullets, I realized, shit, this is a lot of stuff I've learned so far in my life. I've taken my view on each of the extremely accurate points below:
· Telling
your parents that you are just not going to agree with them about certain
things (especially regarding your lifestyle choices), and that you are ready to
deal with the consequences that might bring in your relationship with them.
o It
took many years to convince my parents that I was capable of making my own
choices, and at that, if I was wrong in those choices, that I would face the
consequences. My parents were especially leery on the idea of me quitting my
first job out of school and moving to another that had a few unknowns in their
eyes. After much convincing that the move was a good one on my part, I made the
decision and couldn’t be happier. Sometimes, I have an intuition about things
that my parents just don’t always understand. However, there have been times
where I have made decisions I later would have done differently – but those
decisions turned into learning experiences. It’s just a part of growing up.
· Removing
friends from your life that you grew up with who are simply no longer good for
you, even if you have known them so long as to consider them just a part of
your life — something you assume will always be there.
o I’ve
unfortunately encountered this – numerous times at that – which is never
enjoyable. Part of growing up is just realizing that people do change,
for the good and for the bad. And it’s one of those decisions you just
have to make whether or not you want to keep them in your life.
· Explaining
to someone who is looking to date you seriously that you are just not in a
phase of your life where you can offer that to them, and that your own
development is more important than being in a relationship right now.
o Sometimes,
we just need to put ourselves first. Being in a relationship is a
compromise – you sometimes do need to make little sacrifices to keep each other
happy. And I think it’s okay to be selfish every now and then and take time for
yourself, even if that means passing someone by. If it’s meant to be, it
will be. Never sacrifice your goals or dreams for someone else.
· Moving
somewhere where there is more opportunity for your professionally, but where
you are an absolute stranger and have no comfort zone.
o My
current job was one where I knew I’d have more opportunities in my profession
to meet more people, make my mark in the company, gain recognition, and have a
more healthy life/work balance. However, being in ad sales is a lot
different than being on the agency side. It was a bit scary moving to the
“dark side,” but I’ve been very happy in my decision. I truly believe
it’s good to be a little scared and out of that ‘comfort zone’ to push yourself
that much farther.
· Accepting
that you cannot party in the way you used to, and that you are going to have to
start turning down some nights which people will tease you about because your
sleep has become your most precious commodity.
o I
think my friends are all slowly starting to realize we cannot drink or stay out
late like we used to in our college days (still cannot believe it’s been 2
years since we graduated…). It’s true that sleep has become more
precious, especially from the long days we put in at our workplace every
week. It’s happened many a times that I’ve turned down going out so I can
rather watch a movie and go to bed early. I used to get ridiculed more so
a few years ago but my friends have caught up with me and now it’s just a
mutual understanding.
· Realizing
that some friends are going to end up with people that you know, in your heart,
are not a right decision for them — and that this is just a mistake they are
going to have to make on their own.
o A few
of my friends are dating or have ended up with people I didn’t necessarily
agree was a good fit for them. But it’s one of those things where you may voice
your opinion, and let them make their own decisions. As hard as it is to sit
back and let them go about their love life that you know may not be good for
them, it’s something you need to let them do and learn on their own.
· Understanding
that sometimes, when people tell you that they are too busy to see you, they
really mean it. Their lives are simply changing in a way that may mean you will
not be able to be as close or see each other as frequently as was once the
case.
o
Unfortunately, this is unbelievably true. I feel like I always have something going on,
whether it’s work-related, taking care of myself and exercising, social events,
or simply just having that ‘me’ time. I’ve noticed the past few years that it
has become increasingly harder and harder to make plans with friends. I find myself planning weeks in advance with
friends just to put something on the calendar so I make time with them. But I think that’s what it’s all about. As long as you find and make the time to see
those special friends of yours, that’s what truly counts. That’s what true friendship really is.
· Watching
friends you love move away, and knowing that they will likely never come back.
o
This has always been tough.
This really started in high school when a few of my friends moved and I
knew right then and there, I’d probably never see them again. We’d try to keep in touch but eventually, we’d
get immersed into our daily lives and lose track of each other. College came and I found myself sadly saying
good-bye to some of my best friends as they went across the country to follow
their dreams. And after college, I had
many friends move to other states to be with their significant others, to a new
job, to a new opportunity. It’s never
easy, but I’ve realized that’s a part of life.
What matters most is if those are your true best friends, you do
everything in your power to stay in contact with them. Two of my best friends live in CO and I make
a conscious effort to talk to them when I can.
· Realizing
that some people are making the transition from “crazy kid who parties a little
too much” to “person who has a serious problem with drinking/drug use,” and
that there may be nothing you can do to help them.
o
I had a friend dealing with a drug abuse problem in high school
and it was so hard to watch him do what he did to his body. I remember visiting him in the hospital on my
16th birthday and thinking, I can’t imagine how he’s feeling. I felt helpless though. I tried everything to be there for him, but
he eventually just pushed me away. I
tried for months to save that friendship, but ultimately, I left that
friendship in the past.
· Realizing
that you are what you once considered “a grown-up age,” and that you do not
feel “grown-up” in the least.
o
I am officially a “grown-up.” Someone living on her own, paying
her own bills. Yet, I do not 100% feel grown-up. Yes, I’m turning 25 this year, but yet,
somehow, I still feel like my 16 year-old self, just more mature and
wiser. My mom has been telling me for
years how she feels trapped in her body, but still feels like she’s in her
20s. Is that how I’m gonna feel when I’m
her age? Will we ever FEEL old?
· Living
with debt.
o
Ah, debt. When I made my
venture to the University of Illinois, my parents warned me of the debt I would
incur over the years. I shrugged it off,
waved my hand, and figured, ‘eh, I’ll deal with that later.’ Well, later is NOW. I won’t go into details into how much debt I
actually have, but it’s a generous amount. Each month I pay off my student
loans, I wonder, is this number ever going to go down? I feel like it doesn’t budge. While I’m lucky to be paid well at my current
job and still save money, it’s still a
huge nuisance to pay off my loans each month and to know the amount of debt I’m
in. I try not to think about it because
when I do, I feel extremely stressed I’ll never pay it off (even though I know I will someday…).
· Accepting
that, sometimes, your parents really were right about things.
o
My parents always loved gloating when they were right about
things, hence why I never gave them the satisfaction of knowing they were right
about things in my life. My parents had
warned me my freshman year of college not to go to AZ on a 3-day vacation to
visit someone, but I didn’t listen and went anyway. I had a good time, but things happened on
that trip that I had not expected and brought me back into a flood of memories
of pain and heartbreak. I knew my parents had been right. But like I said before, sometimes you just need
to make decisions for yourself and figure it all out on your own. It’s just a huge part of growing into the
person you’re going to become. (Side note: I later told my parents they had
been right).
· Leaving
the sense of competition you have with your siblings and appreciating that you
can all succeed on different terms and still be completely independent people.
o
I think my younger sister, Kerri, feels that she’s competing
with the shadow I’ve left behind. I
never want her to feel that way and have always tried to be there for her,
encouraging her in her choices, career path, but being that conscious she needs
to leer her in the right direction. It’s
inevitable that parents are going to compare their children here and there, but
I do know that my parents have finally realized that although my sister and I
are very alike, we’re also very different.
We have different interests, career paths, and we handle and choose
things differently for ourselves - but
that’s what makes us unique.
· Falling
for someone who is never going to be a good decision for you, but who you
cannot help yourself in loving.
o
I fell for someone years ago that I couldn’t help my
feelings. At the time, I thought it was
the best part of my life happening. Looking back on it, I realize that we
really weren’t right for each other. However, I learned so much from that
relationship that I have taken with me through the years and I’ll always look
back on those times fondly.
· Looking
back on decisions you’ve made over the years and feeling like there were clear
forks in the road where you took the wrong direction, but which you can never
really loop back around to find again. Living with the person you have decided
to become, even if that means having to start from square one at 25 years old.
o
Your 20s are a time to make mistakes, learn from them, make more
mistakes, and learn even more from those to make the right decisions. I’ll be 25 in September and as I reflect on
my life and everything that’s happened in it, I can’t help but smile. Yes, I’ve
made mistakes here and there – I’m not perfect by any means – but I’ve acquired
so much. I’ve learned so much
academically, socially, personally that has made me into the person I am today.
Sometimes I really sit back and look at what I’m doing in my life and wonder if
I’m 100% happy. Will I ever have to
start back at square one in my career?
My relationship? Obviously I can’t
predict the future, so who knows. But
one thing is for sure: I’ve made it this far and in present-time, I’m content
with my life and the choices I’ve made.
