Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us every day.
Unseen, unheard, but always near; still loved, still missed and very dear.
- Anonymous
As some of you may or may not know, my grandmother passed away last Wednesday, August 22nd at 4:31pm. My way of coping with things has always been writing and this time is no different. As I look back at what happened on Wednesday, I still cannot believe how everything transpired so quickly.
A few weeks ago, my grandma got double pneumonia. She was hospitalized for about a week. I was able to come home that weekend and was able to see her. She looked weaker than I had last seen her and I knew her catching pneumonia definitely wasn't the best thing, especially at her old age of 97. Unfortunately, the weekend ended and I had to make my way back to Chicago. I visited my grandma right before I got back on the train. My last words to her were "I love you" and her the same for me. I will never forget that.
Last Tuesday night, my mother called me and warned me that the nursing home had called saying my grandma's breathing had become more rapid. It caught me off guard, but not to the point where I was really worried, especially when I didn't get a call during the night or Wednesday morning from my mom. I texted my mom once I was at work and asked how my grandma was doing. She proceeded with a picture of her - the worst I have absolutely seen her. I knew it was bad then.
My dad called within minutes, his voice cracking, advising me to come home. I immediately started crying knowing it was only a matter of weeks for my grandma. I left work and my sister grabbed the 1:35 Metra to Libertyville. As we rode the train, we both talked about our upcoming weekends. We really weren't aware how bad it was with my grandma.
My dad picked us up at the train station and drove us to Winchester House, where my grandma had been a resident for nearly 2 years. We arrived at 3pm. As I entered the private room the staff had placed my mom in, I saw my grandma with her eyes closed, struggling to breathe. The sight broke my heart. Tears began falling down my cheeks.
I despise crying in front of others, letting people see that I'm broken. I've always tried to remain strong in times of death, heartache, and sadness. I felt so weak seeing my grandmother, especially as she lay in bed so weak herself and struggling to survive.
My family was in the room with her as she began to take her last breaths of life, mustering the courage to be strong. Watching my mother cry for her mother was one of the worst moments of my life. As I closed the door to the room for more privacy, my grandmother took her last breath at 4:31pm. My family cried together, but knew my grandma was no longer suffering and no longer having to live in a nursing home. I was so happy for her but so sad she was gone within an hour and a half of me arriving at the nursing home.
I know deep down, my grandma waited for my sister and I to get to the nursing home so we could be with her in her last moments of life. I feel so blessed my dad called me and urged me to come home. I feel so blessed my team at work allowed me to leave work. I feel so blessed I made it in time and got to say my goodbye.
You know how they always say there's never any good in goodbye? I discovered the exact opposite of that on Wednesday. As awful and hard it was to watch my grandmother die in my presence, we were able to say our goodbyes. We were all around her when she died. If I could put together a perfect death, that would be it. I will thank God every day for giving us that opportunity.
Knowing she was my last grandparent in my life, it's been hard to swallow she's really gone. She's the grandparent I was closest to and the grandparent who was able to see a lot more of my life than my other grandparents. She was such a lovely old woman and I will miss her dearly.
RIP
Josephine Crivello
4.6.15 - 8.22.12
